Q&A with Phil Roberts

Winner of “Are You the Greatest Romantic?”

How does it feel to be named "The Greatest Romantic" by Princess Cruises?
Wonderful, humbling and challenging all at the same time. I proudly wear the title, but at the same time now I've got a lot of pressure to keep one particular judge impressed (my wife Lisa). If everybody else says that I'm the greatest romantic, but she doesn't agree, then the title doesn't matter!

What did you do to celebrate?
Lisa went to bed before I did on the last night of the voting, and–just in case–I decided to check the web site at midnight right after the voting was over, just to see if it announced the winner, and it did. And I knew that I had to tell somebody, or I'd never get to sleep. So I woke her up, showed it to her, and we cheered and hugged and then e-mailed a couple of people, and then went back to sleep around 1:00 a.m. It was a fun moment, but we were both tired and dragging the next day!

You shared such a great story about your proposal. Any other romantic stories you'd like to share (in addition to your questions in a bottle, which we love!)?
In February 2006, we had been visiting the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit of the hospital for over three months, while we waited for Benjamin and Casey and Danielle to be big enough to be discharged. Our 21-month-old daughter Ashley had not been allowed to see her new siblings all winter long, because of the risk of infection. It was a long, tired period of our lives, especially for Lisa, and we were far from home (we lived in Georgia at the time, but had chosen to go out to Phoenix to be with some doctors there who specialized in high-order multiple births). And so for Valentine's Day I arranged with some of the nurses to be able to take Lisa and the babies out of their hospital wing to the outdoor courtyard/playground, where I was waiting with Ashley (a big surprise). It was the first time that the kids had all really been together, and I made a gigantic foam-board Valentine's card for Lisa, with a special poem and huge picture from each of the kids to her, saying how much they loved and appreciated her. It was a great chance to start sharing my feelings about mommy with the kids, and teaching them how we are a family that expresses love to one another.

Every year for our anniversary, I make Lisa a scrapbook–newspaper report style–that's a month-by-month chronicle of the previous year–what we did, big events, trips, big decisions, etc. I include up to 10 pictures from each month. Since we've been married nine years, there are nine of these scrapbooks (okay, I'm still finishing the ninth one; a certain contest set me back!). From a scrapbook quality standpoint, these wouldn't win any awards–trust me. But they're a tangible way to say to her that our marriage is a great investment, that I still love my wife and am 'into' this thing, and that we're building a great story together. When our kids get old enough, we'd like to share these with them and show them the kind of marriage that we hope they'll be able to someday build, if they should ever choose to get married.

When and what was your first date with Lisa?
I lived in Ohio, she was finishing up grad school in Georgia; we had met and started a long-distance relationship that was mostly by phone and some by e-mail, and since I was going to be traveling through Georgia in October of 1998, we arranged to hang out for a few days there and go on several first dates. On the first night I was there, I picked her up from grad school and we went to O'Charley's, and that night I got to meet her mother and some of her extended family (talk about pressure on a first date!).

First kiss?
Later that night, after our first date was over. It was magical, and we both blame the other for a first date kiss.

Tell us about a perfect date with your wife.
These days, the perfect date has a whole lot to do with who the sitter is and how long they can stay–you get that right, and the rest of the date has a chance at being good! It sounds a little boring, but dinner and a movie is just about perfect for us. It's a great chance to have adult conversation without having to cook, and then to just relax and hold hands during a (hopefully) good movie. Back in the good ol' days before kids, we went to a lot of movies–these days, not so many–so it's kind of a special treat. Ice cream afterward is optional, but sometimes helps it attain perfection!

On our anniversary–the deadline to enter the Greatest Romantic contest–I showed her the video that I had entered, and I said, "Whether we win this or not, we really need a few days away from the kids to just have some me-and-you time." So in one sense, the cruise will be the perfect week-long date!

What are some of the romantic things she does for you?
Lisa is a wonderful cook, and from time to time will forgo the chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese and make me something really wonderful. That's pretty romantic. She also writes long, sweet, handwritten notes on cards for special occasions, whenever I leave town, and at random times; often, she includes pictures in them of her or the kids. She tells me she loves me, kisses me, holds my hand, and acts like we're still in love (which I think we are!). And she gets me candy at unexpected times, which is always accepted as a romantic gesture.

You and Lisa have weathered a lot, between the delivery of your quadruplets and the loss of your daughter. How did that change your relationship and what have you learned?
When we found out about four babies inside and began to read about families that had high-order multiples, one of the things that alarmed us is that the divorce rate is high among those families, and that stress is pretty high too (gee, I wonder why). A couple with quadruplets contacted us and said, "Don't get too worried, because here's what we've found: marriages that are bad going into an experience like that will get worse; marriages that are strong going into such an experience will get stronger." That was a relief to us. And we found it to be true.

Because we previously had a strong relationship with a whole lot invested, the nightmare delivery of the quads and the loss of Emily helped us to grow closer together and keep each other strong–instead of driving us apart. Part of our story is that Lisa had some additional complications and came very close to dying on the day after the babies came. And so that experience was a reminder to me that nothing is a given, that this amazing woman was almost taken from me, and that every day with her is a gift. When it was clear that baby Emily was dying and not going to pull through, we both pushed each other toward her and held on to one another through the really tough parts, when it would have been easier to run away from the pain. We cried our eyes out with each other–it was a good thing that I didn't have an issue about that, because it was really important for Lisa to see me cry and for me to share that grief with her.

During long, long mundane days of hospitalization (where it seemed like those kids would be there forever), we had to learn to take some time for each other, and not forget our marriage relationship. Our faith grew stronger. Through our whole marriage, we have prayed together at the end of every day, and though it may sound like a minister's clichŽ (the family that prays together stays together), there is a whole lot of wisdom in that practice–more than we ever would have anticipated or can take any credit for.

For any young carefree couple, I would say this: Enjoy uneventful times, and build your relationship during them. It's hugely important, during the ordinariness of everyday life, that you nurture your relationship and take time for the little and big romantic and spiritual things. If you do this, they will sustain you whenever times get tough. And in one form or another, times WILL get tough.

You have a busy job as a minister. How do you find time to fit in family and romance?
I honestly don't have time. I have to make time, and it has to be a higher priority than work. If I succeed at work, but lose the respect of my wife and kids, I'm a failure...any way I slice it. I believe that having an established day off, and scheduling–yes, actually scheduling–family time is the wisest thing that any working man can do.

Now some fun questions:
What would you consider more romantic, flowers or candy?
I like candy better, but I'd better say flowers. If there is chocolate, I can finish it off pretty quick, and easily take more than my 50%, and find myself in the doghouse. But I've never overeaten flowers.

What is your favorite romantic song?
Give Me Forever (I Do) by John Tesh, sung by James Ingram, was the song that we danced to on "the beach" when I proposed to Lisa. It's tops. Angel Eyes by Jim Brickman was played during our wedding, as was the song Standing Right Next to Me, sung by Karla Bonoff, from (of all unlikely places) the 8 Seconds soundtrack (very few people realize that a song from a rodeo movie was played during our wedding).

Movie?
Heart and Souls was the movie that we watched right before I proposed. Far-fetched, but just might make someone cry.

Book?
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a very very very helpful book for couples trying to figure out how to communicate love (or anything else) to each other. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens is no Harlequin, but it teaches some pretty interesting lessons about life and love and other stuff.

What advice do you have for other aspiring romantics?
Okay, it's another minister answer, but I've got to throw it out as my top advice: Figure out first what you believe about God and the extent and duration of His love for you, and then spend the rest of your life figuring out how to reflect that same love in big and small ways to someone that you can make a lifetime commitment to. This is working for me, and for the people in life that I respect the very most.

What is the first thing you are going to do on your Princess cruise?
Exhale.

After that, it would go in this order: Look at each other. Laugh. Pinch each other to make sure we're not dreaming. Run up to the deck, get a milkshake, and watch the waves go by. Run to the room. Make use of the "Do Not Disturb" sign. Repeat.

What do you hope to impart as the "Ambassador of Love" for Princess Cruises?
I hope to set a good example of someone who is permanently crazy-in-love with his wife and kids and God. That would be the only reason I can really think of that would justify Dr. Ruth and me being on the same page together.